China declares Lunar Defence Obliteration Zone

China LDOZ

China LDOZ

Following the successful launch of its first lunar rover, the Chinese government has declared a defensive zone extending vertically from China into space and encompassing the moon.

The Lunar Defense Obliteration Zone, according to newly appointed space minister Wu Houyi, “will protect China’s core interests and interplanetary sovereignty.” All foreign spacecraft, satellites, comets and space debris must notify China before passing through or into the zone.

Due to orbital complications, the boundaries of the LDOZ will shift daily in accordance with the position of the moon relative to its sovereign power. China’s Ministry of Space has issued diagrams of the shifting boundaries, dubbed “the lasso.”

Many countries have disputed China’s ability to establish such a zone, but Chinese officials are adamant about the country’s claim to Earth’s only natural satellite.

“China’s historical ties to the moon date back at least five thousand years, perhaps more,” said Chen Guang, an official historian from the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences. “We made a whole calendar based on it for Christ’s sake.”

As for the political ramifications, the Ministry of Space has promised not to impose terrestrial laws on the celestial object, nor push immediately for reunification.

China LDOZ

China LDOZ

“The moon will retain full autonomy,” Wu told reporters on Thursday, “and will continue to orbit the Earth as normal under the ‘One Country, Two Circumgyrating Bodies’ system.”

So far, the LDOZ has received widespread support from the public and government-issued propaganda posters have cropped up around Beijing and Shanghai bearing the slogan “China Dream, Moon Dream.”

One Weibo user, @永远玉兔 (Jade Rabbit Forever), suggested that China should enforce the defensive zone by constructing a giant laser which will point at whichever country is currently meeting with the Dalai Lama, and at Tokyo the rest of the time.

As America and Russia are expected to dispute the territorial boundaries, Chinese scientists, according to leaked classified documents, are investigating the feasibility of striking an obsolete satellite to trigger a chain reaction of space debris that will orbit the earth every 90 minutes, preventing all access to the LDOZ.

Source: Ministry of Harmony – China Declares Lunar Defense Obliteration Zone
Ministry of Harmony is a website which uses satire to highlight China’s reluctance to conform to international precedents and laws.
 


Categories: Humour

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50 replies

  1. The post is already hilarious, but the graphic on ‘orbital variations’ takes it to another level.

    Thanks for the introduction to Ministry of Harmony! It looks like fun and will be checking it out later.

    Like

  2. Reblogged this on My opinions on America's issues and commented:
    China will keep doing things like this until someone stands up to then. Unfortunately it will not be the United States

    Like

  3. Reblogged this on Oyia Brown.

    Like

  4. Reblogged this on danmillerinpanama and commented:
    U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry, widely proclaimed as a dedicated peacemaker regardless of any astronomical costs, is presently enroute to China to discuss the latest development. Fluent in Mandarin French, he hopes to arrange a land for peace swap. He will offer China all of Israel. In exchange, China must agree to perpetual and continuously rearranged modifications of her Lunar Defense Obliteration Zone (LDOZ). Under his plan, the LDOZ will exclude Iran as well as all Democrat controlled areas within the United States.

    A high level Chinese source, the Minister of Supreme Happiness and Peace (the ministry was established recently to emulate Venezuela’s new Ministry of Supreme Social Happiness), has suggested that although the basic idea has merit, land swaps including South Korea and Japan – with which China’s mutually beneficial ties predate even those with the Moon — will more likely receive serious consideration.

    Like

  5. WTF they don’t even set foot on the moon and yet their claiming it as china’s terretory…. damn FYI chinx the americans is the first people who set foot on the moon

    Like

  6. these lunatic Chinese leaders are crazy! they kill each other for centuries, millions of their countrymen never see justice brought about by the greed of their Emperors in the past,and now that same greed are pushing these arrogant shit head leaders to compromise global peace and stability! they never had an experience to any world war where America had, and won with dignity and pride!in two fronts at that!America will always rise to the occasion of protecting humanity against aggression of these Chinese leaders in any part of the world!

    Like

    • Amerika is weak and full of corrupt politicians. The people are no better…we are arrogant, fat, lazy sheep. We can even win a war in a small middle east country and you think we can take on a superpower? You proved my point with that idiotic comment.

      Like

  7. What in the world Chinese government spending money for such of idiocy? In the first place too many Chinese people dying in hunger. Most of them, they need work like a dog to earn one USD at least to live. Chinese government feed your people first before you make some pathetic and non sense thing.

    Like

  8. why take so much effort of creating a artificial boundary. the rest of the world can launch china itself into the orbit and integrate china into the moon. like a pie in the face (read: pie called moon into china’s face). all one needs is a few mega tons of thermonuclear weapons from each corner and kabbom china is off to the moon, thus realising its honey moon with moon.

    Like

  9. Soon the chinese will claim that they discover the moon since ancient time and they rightly own the moon. Other countries such as US, Russia will hurt the chinese people feeling if those countries objects to their claim….

    Like

  10. its so silly and morbid to entertain such ridiculous notion like that.. Chinese people are greedy everything even in territory.

    Like

  11. will china be the enemy of humanity in the coming years? there actions are leading toward this road.

    Like

  12. Why stop there? There’s also that large burning sphere in the sky that lights things up around here… You could own that too! 0_o

    Like

  13. gotta be one of the dumbest tilts at maintianing soverign “boundries”

    Like

  14. China make big booboo, make self international fool. Pretend is joke and move on.

    Like

  15. China is a force. There is no USA to stop them. Many countries have agreements with China. The only folks that fear China are American citizens due to mass medias B.S. The CIA does all kinds of wrong stuff all day and night. You can’t possibly expect China to play by any implied rules if the CIA doesn’t. Actually, the CIA made the rules, and China is just following them!

    Like

  16. Maybe The United States will let this happen because China will blow the roof off the whole alleged Apollo missions.

    Like

  17. JADE RABBIT is a space defense platform. If the ISS orbits over CHINA the RABBIT will fire and destroy any invaders. China’s rabbit also found Stanley Kubrick living quite nicely on the moon. He is still making films for the CIA. Seriously, though…

    China hates the US. They cannot wait for wars to begin. The “news” from China lays it all out, what war and when. The U.S. gave China everything it needed to progress, industrialize. What we didn’t give them they steal. Patent? Copyright? Forget that crap, we are ‘Communists”. Right. Marx would be spinning in his grave if he saw China, today. Just another power-mad oligarchy new to industrialization.

    Instead of destroying other nations and stealing land by force, causing thousands, maybe millions of deaths. IS IT WORTH IT, CHINA????

    Be assured that the U.S. has technologies that are buried so deep your spies could never find. Technology that China hasn’t got. The USA has been the Mecca of Science and technology for decades, drawing the best minds from…everywhere! What they have “in the black” scares me, it should scare you, too.

    Like

  18. China’s preparing for war.

    Like

  19. From spratly islands to the moon! These guys are insane! -.-

    Like

  20. they are Fire Benders.. they should own the Sun… moon is for water benders… 😀

    Like

  21. At the end of the day, China will be pulverized not just by the US and its allied nations but also by Russia.

    Like

  22. Reblogged this on Stories by Williams and commented:
    Wow. Even during the height of the Cold War, the Russians and the US were not so bold as to claim space, But there are benefits in having your enemies think you’re crazy!

    Like

Trackbacks

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  3. China’s lunar rover litters on moon, writes name in Bay of Rainbows | China Daily Mail
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  5. Russian expert: China to defeat broke America by 2020 | China Daily Mail
  6. Government reforms making Chinese society dangerous | China Daily Mail
  7. Britain could miss out on crazy, pointless war with China, says important American | Craig Hill
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  9. President Obama responds to North Korean invasion | danmillerinpanama
  10. China and U.S. amazed that North Korea landed on the Sun | China Daily Mail
  11. Is this the end? China’s ‘Jade Rabbit’ rover hops to a halt | China Daily Mail
  12. China declares Lunar Defence Obliteration Zone
  13. Stiri scurte: 24.03.2014 | George Valah Blog
  14. Obama shows His remarkable Strength during Asian pivot | danmillerinpanama
  15. The two-cow theory: Capitalism in America, China and around the world | China Daily Mail

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